Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Weird Song Sam Made Up

Sam Quotes, August 2015 Edition

We played impromptu charades
the other night. Josephine acted out a book, I did a song, Lisa did a movie.

Then Sam got up to do one. He said it was a TV show. With four words.

What happened next was a great example of the surreal, hilarious insanity that is Sam.

After he acted out the first word, "Donatello," one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I think we all began to suspect that this wasn't really the title of a TV show. Ok. We went along with it - and somehow guessed the second guy. Mind you, he was acting out (very seriously, intently) ninja fighting. It all looked the same. So our guessing required a lot of verbal prompting and clues.

By the time we got to the 4th word, we were strained for figuring out who the last character from the Turtles was. I mean - we're not experts (thankfully, Lisa learned about most of them during Christmas research last year).

Sam executes some martial arts trick. "Is it Shredder?" Lisa asks.
"No," Sam says. "Well, it's actually two guys."
So the 4th word of the TV show is actually 2 characters from the show? Ok...
"What about... is it Leatherhead?" Lisa tries.
"Well... I actually don't know his name..." Sam says.

So. To summarize. We're trying to guess the 4th word of a TV show, but it's actually not the name of a TV show, it's characters from the show, and it's actually not one character, it's two characters, and we're guessing names but he doesn't even know what the names are.

Lisa and Sam eventually - decided who the characters were. And we moved on.
A story from camp:

There's this kid. He's not too smart. His name is Wilson... or Lilson... I don't even know. That's irrelevant. Back to the main point. He's not too smart.

Here's the situation. We're playing splash in the water. He gets water in his eyes. He starts to cry. He's got goggles around his neck. I'm like Dude, put your goggles on! He's not too smart.


At the dinner table, Sam gives me a hard time about something. I retorted, playfully, "Not true, Sam; so you can take your accusation and roll it up in a ball of paper and throw it out the window."

Sam didn't miss a beat. "Wouldn't that be littering?"

He had me there.

In line at the grocery store. "Look at this," Sam says, adamantly, holding up a candy package. "Look. This is not a Reece's Cup. This is BUTTERFINGER CUP. They are stealing the Reece's Cup! I want to buy all of these, unwrap them, and throw them away and NOT EVEN EAT THEM. You shouldn't do that. That is Reece's idea. Butterfingers don't need to be a CUP. I LOVE Butterfingers. But they are a bar. Not a cup. They shouldn't do that!!!"


Josephine said, "Everybody wants to be president." Sam: "Not me." Jo: "Why not?" Sam: "Cuz I'm a white man." Jo: "Oh... cuz there's been too many white man presidents." Sam: "Yeah. The only way I'd do it is if there were more black presidents first."


And then there was the rant about the Luke Bryan song about "we'll turn this cornfield into a party." 

"That's so stupid. How can he do that? That will take a year, to clear out all the corn! Or I'll just be standing there, in the cornfield, like, I can't see you, hello, and I'm just in the middle of all this CORN. That's not a party."

Reading Highlights magazine - there's this page with open-ended discussion questions. One was, "Who is the person you laugh with most?"

Sam thought hard. Lisa said, "It's me, right?" I said, "No, me!" 
Sam looks at Lisa. "How long have I been with you?" 
Lisa: "Three years about."
Sam: "So it's Mama. I've been laughing with her for over seven years!"
Lisa, laughing: "I can't argue with that!"

The next question from the magazine: "If you were a bird, would you rather live in a castle or a garden?"

Sam: "A castle. Cuz there'd be swords in there. But just for decorative purposes. And all these fake knights in there. And I could name them all. I could name one John, one Bob, and Kevin, and Stuart, and Som, and - " well, he kept going, and going.... Naming fake knights he imagined would be in this castle.